Saturday, March 6, 2010


I have been a father for eight years to a wonderful son who is able to amaze me almost each and every day.  I try to teach my child the correct behavior by keeping mindful watch over the way I act and the things I do.  There are times when I fail miserably.
One such time was yesterday afternoon.  My wife Jill and I had picked up my son from his school and drove home.  Jill walked into the house and my son for some reason refused to get out of the car.  After telling him several times to get out of the car and go inside the house, I lost my cool.  "Get in the house, donkey dick!"
I am well aware that "donkey dick" is not the proper way to address my child when trying to discipline him.  But the words seemed to pop out of my mouth before I could stop them.
The plus side of calling him donkey dick (if there is a plus side) was that he instantly jumped out of the backseat of the car and sprinted inside the house.
"Mom, Dad just called me a donkey dick!"  He was laughing as he yelled it, because, one: I just handed over to him the opportunity to swear and get away with and two:  He knew full well I was going to catch hell from his mother.
Sure enough, when I walked into the back door, she was standing there with her hand on her hip and her head cocked to the side.
"Really?  Really?  You called our eight year old child a donkey dick?"  My son stood there next to her and beamed a smile from ear to ear.
"I'm sorry.  It slipped out" I mumbled.
"What did you say?"
I figured she was just putting the screws to me now so I yelled, "It slipped out!"
My wife's reply instantly let me off the hook.  She said it so instinctively and so quickly that I knew I had gained a reprieve and there would be no more talk on the matter.
Her reply?
"That's what she said."


  1. There are worse things to be called than "Donkey Dick".

    "Stupid Mistake" "Daddy's little Secret" "The 'One too many' child" "Broken Prophylactic"

    Or think how bad it would be if you had whapped your gouty leg with an Olde Tyme walking stick and shouted to the entire populace of the local watering hole and pointed to your young son and shouted, "I shoulda jerk'd off insteada havin him." Then imagine you repeat this phrase more than once. No sir, DOnkey dick not a problem.


    -Black Bartholomew

  2. Thanks for the uplifting words of encouragement! I feel much better. I had totally forgotten about Black Bart and his wicked ways. Do you remember the girl dressed like Shirley Temple? Strange days.