Monday, March 22, 2010

The United States of Whatever

What Jefferson was saying was, Hey! You know, we left this England place 'cause it was bogus; so if we don't get some cool rules ourselves - pronto - we'll just be bogus too! Get it?

28 years has passed since Jeff Spicoli spoke these prophetic words and they have never rung more true than on this morning.  We are a nation divided by equally interesting ideas yet the limelight and attention is given only to the wild fringe, those that yell racial slurs, carry guns to coffee shops, and start up "I hate Rush Limbaugh" Facebook pages.

So what is a thinking man to do?  Where does it all leave me?

At first I thought I would rage against the machine, grab up a pitchfork and walk arm-in-arm with my fellow working class members- Johnny Tremaine style - down the street, singing, "We are the sons, we are the sons, the sons of liberty!"  However, when I went outside to sharpen my pitchfork and soak my torches, nobody else was out there.  Huh. 

Well, I have decided to bow out.  Adieu.  I am taking my ball and going home.  Game Over.  I am walking away from politics and never looking back.  "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's."  Indeed.  Who can argue with that?  

My new no-politics-political platform is ever-changing, but here are the core ideals:

1.  Eat pie on occasion.
2.  Drink coffee and iced tea.
3.  Ride bicycles for recreation and play with your children.
4.  Stay close to those you love and let them know how you feel.
5.  Exercise - and make it fun.
6.  Get some sand in your shoes.
7.  Tell the truth.
8.  Replace your divots.

I am still working on a name for my no-politics-political movement.  Seems like all of the other parties (and by all others I mean just two) have animal mascots, so I have to give that some thought.  The Blue Hen would be the obvious choice, but I am leaning towards ripping off the University of California, Santa Cruz and taking the Banana Slug (pictured). Just a thought.  If you are interested in joining my party, send me a self-addressed stamped envelope containing ten dollars and your email address (or send a pie, preferably pumpkin or sweet potato).  Goodnight, Godspeed, and long live the Banana Slugs.


  1. Well, you could choose the Blue Rocks, "Mr. Celery", but then some might mistake that for a political comment and you are advocating for the "Green Party".

    I am with you,brother, I hate politics and have tried as much as I can not to be dragged into political debate. It should be enlightening to peel off the issue's husks in mutual examination for a kernel of truth, but never seems to go that way. Instead it generally ends up destroying the blossoms and the cobbs are just hurled at each other along with nasty namecalling.

    I will study on my own and try to keep my opinions between me and the ballot box. From the start I determined not to bring politics into my own Blogs. So far so good. I do find not commenting still has people claim I am supporting personalities and positions when they really don't know what I support. It's an ugly business.


  2. Well, you seem to have a pie fetish so why don't you call your new party: Eat pie or die!