Sunday, April 4, 2010


My son was born in August of 2001.  My wife and I were blindsided by how tough of a job it was to be parents.  There was no shift end, no coffee breaks, and no sleep.  Jill was battling serious Postpartum Depression and I was just coming out of a vicious funk myself.  She and I were not connecting at that time and could not console one another no matter how hard we tried.  I remember some nights walking around the kitchen with a screaming child and wondering if all of this was worth it.  It was a dark time.

I walked into the house one day in September to my wife and my month-old boy in front of the television.  I had caught bits and pieces on the car radio, but surely it could not be as bad as it sounded.  I remember my wife handing my son over to me.  She was wide-eyed.  I turned to the T.V. and saw the images of the second plane smashing into the Trade Center.  I looked down at my son and I blurted out an apology for bringing him into this mess of a world.
The load had officially become too much for me to carry.

So I did something that I had not done in several years, something I had nonchalantly left behind when I was a boy.

I prayed.

I prayed to God to get my family through this, to let us experience a light at the end of this tunnel.

It did not happen instantly, there was no finger snap and suddenly all was well.  It took time.  It took courage and hard work but little by little, my wife and I became a team again.  We rediscovered joy in each other's company and happiness in our new family.  Each day was better and brighter.

My prayers were answered.

I am by no stretch of the imagination a perfect person.  I fail each day.  I make mistakes.  I am a sinner.
And still, I can feel Him near me.  I feel His presence in my life.  I see Him in my son's smile and in my wife's eyes.  I pray He forgives my transgressions and I can only thank Him for being there even when I turn my back on Him.  I feel He knows that I am doing the best I can.


  1. I am by no means a religious person. One of my brothers is a pastor. He changed his life some 20 years course after losing his son a few days after birth. He desperately wanted a son. His wife had already born him two daughters. He was warned not to get his wife pregnant again because it might endanger her life. In spite of that warning he did get his wife pregnant and she almost lost her life along with his newborn son. My brother took that as a sign from God. He abandoned his very successful career and entered Bob Jones University in his forties to begin his new life in service to God. In all those year since he has never been happier pasturing to others and receiving enrichment to his life for doing so. At present he and his wife and daughter are caring our Mom.

    My good friend Nitewrite and his wife desperately wanted children. His wife lost her first seven pregnancies. My friend and his wife never gave up. Then, finally his wife had a successful pregnancy. A daughter was born, then another daughter, then a son. My good friend, who was an avowed atheist, changed his views on religion. My friend was thankful to Him (or whoever) that allowed he and his wife to have their three children. You can check his blog posting. They frequently have a religious theme which I have to admit it still a little too much for me but it does give him comfort and for that I an thankful.

    My friend and former boss was diagnosed with colon cancer four years ago. Again, my friend was about as religious as me (which is to say, not religious.) He had just retired after a lifetime of working very hard and wanted to enjoy his retirement years with his wife and grandchildren (they have two sons.) The doctor told my friend that he had a one in four chance of survival. My friend had the operation (eight hours) and then underwent grueling chemotherapy treatments. When he went back for his checkup three months later the cancer had returned. Again, he had another all day operation and again the doctor pulled his organs out of his body to examine them (including his liver which my friend was amazed that a doctor could actually lift out of his body) to make sure the cancer had not spread. It hadn't. Again, he underwent grueling chemotherapy all the while wondering why this was happening to him. He has been free of cancer since his second round of removing the cancer from his body. He told me about a year ago he prayed for the first time in many years. He wanted to see his young grandchildren grow up. I think he was embarrassed to tell me he prayed (he shouldn't of been.)

    Four years ago I was starring down a financial abyss when I couldn't sell my home in Pennsylvania to pay for this home I built in Delaware (where I live now.) I was paying $3,998 a month in mortgage and equity loan payments (from April to November.) My only income was Social Security and a part time job at a hotel. I was drawing down what little was left of my IRA after the 2000 market meltdown. Then out of the blue a buyer from Florida who saw my home on the Internet bought my home. I sold my home to him and his beautiful wife and their two small daughters.

    I've never told my partner but during my darkest periods in this crises, when it looked like I was going to lose a lifetime or work, I prayed. I didn’t know to whom but I felt the overwhelming need to pray because I was being buried and I knew no other way out.

    I still don't consider myself a religious person but I felt the need to pray for a higher power. Whoever or whatever that higher power is, that power saved my life and for that I will be ever appreciative.

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was an inspiration on this Easter, the time or renewal.

  2. As much as I spell check, I still miss things.

    The last sentence should read "Your posting was an inspiration on this Easter, this time of renewal."

  3. Ron -
    It always amazes me that we spend so much time walking through this life as strangers when we all have so much in common. Every person has a story that is their life. If we all took a moment each day and tried to look through another's eyes, things would probably be a little better.

    I started to blog on a whim to keep up with my best friend. I have found, however, that I enjoy the feeling of connection it brings me to people all over the world who simply want to be heard. I am more than happy to listen. Happy Easter.

  4. Well, sir, we have more in common. My son was also born in August, but not just before 9/11. No, I lost my long time job at that time and had a scheduled meeting with an outsourcing counselor on the top floor of the tallest building in Wilmington that Tuesday morning. The meeting was cancelled.

    I started Blogging because of a friend, too, the one with the long comment above.

    Keep writing, my friend.