My family does not possess cable television. We don't even have an antennae. I could tell you that it is due to our high ethical standards and that we believe television is nothing but low-brow debauchery, but I would be lying.
It's mostly because I am a tight-wad.
Our largest forms of entertainment come through our computer and our trusty Playstation 3 console.
My son and I recently picked up Skate 3 for the PS3 and enjoy the game immensely. It's a virtual reality type of world where you are a skateboarder and pull off tricks and gain notoriety to propel yourself into the realm of "top thrasher."
Fun Stuff - until I noticed the masked man.
You see, the Skate 3 world, like most contemporary video games, is immense. There are universities, metropolitan areas, and all forms of suburbs and museums to utilize in your quest of incredible feats on four wheels. There are also numerous other skateboarders shredding along side you, as well as average joes and janes doing everyday tasks. Their presence makes the game more realistic.
So one night I have a few minutes to kill and decided to play.
Then I spotted him.
Very quickly, in the background, skating over a hill, I caught a glimpse of a man who was donning a ski mask.
I thought it was pretty wild, so I took off after him into a huge drainage pipe. I kept up for a little while, but I fell from my board and he banked a quick right into the city - and disappeared.
I saw him again one day grinding a set of concrete stairs. I skated over to him - you know, see if he wanted to get a chocolate malt or something. Hang out. I surmised that he did not, because he ollied off a cliff and vanished under a bridge.
He now haunts me.
Every time I play, there he is, staring at me through his cotton drugstore-purchased $4.99 cotton mask. I can feel him judging me. He's mocking me, I know it.
Who is that guy? Why does he hide his face? Why can't we be friends?
If you happen to read this, ski-mask man, know this:
You can hide your face, but you can not hide what lurks within.